


You're going to die (in your best friend's arms)

by Amber_Flicker



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Despite the description this is not written in second person, Episode: s02e12, Gen, Major Character Injury, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-05 05:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16361624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: You didn't think you'd feel this way.





	You're going to die (in your best friend's arms)

**Author's Note:**

> Title + description from Richard Siken's Planet of Love

He realizes he's not going to make it out of here alive. It isn't a sudden realization. Saruhiko isn't stupid. He could tell he'd been hurt badly.

He's already lost too much blood, still losing it, and there's no way anyone could get him treatment in time to fix the damage. He'd known going into this that he was probably going to die. He'd thought he was fine with that. He'd told himself he didn't really care about living, anyway. Maybe he hadn't at the time. He's always been a little too careless about his own life. But now that he's here he realizes there was a lot more he wanted to do. It sounds cliche and he hates it. 

He hates that everything had to end like this, in the dark on cold concrete with _red_ everywhere (isn't that ironic, he thinks bitterly), and Misaki of all people here to watch. He's not sure if it would've been worse if it was someone else, or better. Misaki's the only one who'd ever seen him at his worst, perhaps it's fitting he will this time too. Saruhiko had always thought he would die alone. After all, who would possibly care enough to stay around if he wasn't being useful? He will admit only because no one will ever have to know that it's a small comfort that it didn't turn out to be the case. It's the only thing that keeps him from breaking. He refuses to lose his control over his emotions. He will not have anyone's last memory of him be that.

"Don't close your eyes!"

His vision is blurry. Did he lose his glasses or is that him losing conciousness? He doesn't know and no longer had the energy to care. "I'm not going to live, Misaki," he says, and he's not sure if it's a kindness to let him start accepting it now or if it's cruel to make him lose the hope that this will end well. It doesn't matter; he has never held back and he will not start now, and the fact is that he will not live.

"Don't be stupid, yes you will-"

"I won't. You can't get me out of here."

Misaki lets out something that sounds almost like a sob. He's probably tired of seeing people die, Saruhiko thinks absently. "Your clan will come. They won't just let you die."

"No one is coming," He's going to die a traitor and he can't help but wonder if anyone will forgive him even after finding out the truth. Probably not. He's far too good at cutting ties, and he'd really never allowed himself to make any connections to anyone there, anyway. He almost regrets it now, because, "No one will care if I die." And he would never have said that out loud before. It's the blood loss making him more honest than he wants to be. He can feel everything slipping away. He finds himself wondering if any of this had been worth it. Maybe dying like this had always been inevitable. Saruhiko had never been meant to die a peaceful death, because he ruins everything he touches, including himself. He's going to die and the only thing that makes it worth anyone's attention is that he died because he was doing something important. He lets out a weak laugh. No one is going to remember him, he'll just be a record in a system and a file marked _Deceased._

 

He wishes he'd had a quick death. He wishes he'd never agreed to this mission. He wishes he'd never gotten involved with kings, clans, or Misaki.

 

He doesn't mean any of it.

 

"I'll care. Don't you dare leave me again."

 

Saruhiko is tired. He's been tired of everthing for a very long time. He closes his eyes.

 

Leaving is what he does best, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> Ambiguous/open ending tag because, I mean. You could assume saru just passed out if you really want, though that wasn't my own interpretation
> 
> a-logicalruse / cliches-and-coffee on tumblr


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